I created what?
Communication is a balance between speaking and listening. When one person is speaking the other person is not speaking and is hopefully listening to what you have to say. But what happens when you talk too much? The simple answer is that the communication balance is tilted toward you. In effect, you are saying that the other person is only important to you when they are listening to you. The other person, having some degree of intelligence, will realize this and simple not participate in the discussion because they have learned that you never stop talking… so why bother. More horrifying, the other person might start to resent being around you over time.
The same is true the other way-- you might find that YOU are the other person who stays relatively quiet because you have learned that the person you are communicating with dominates the discussion. These imbalanced relationships are nearly always unsatisfying for one or both of the participants.
Sometimes we dominate conversations without appreciating what we are doing. It might be that we are more informed on a particular issue, or that we are just really enthusiastic, or feel that what we are saying is so important that it must take precedent over maintaining a balanced discussion. Sometimes we are quiet because we might not know what to say to contribute to the conversation. However, we do form opinions while listening to the other person which could be expressed to them giving you an opportunity to participate. The question is do you have the where-with-all to make the interaction more balanced?
It would be wonderful if people would just be assertive and muscle their way into the conversation when someone is dominating the conversation, but we shouldn’t rely on this happening. By becoming better monitors of how WE communicate we can work to create balanced communication by creating opportunities for the other person to express themselves allowing them to become a participant in the relationship. In situations in which the other person dominates, we often need to develop skills to change the dynamics of the conversation.
For balanced communication to occur, we must have some level of awareness about how WE are communicating. If we are too forceful… the other person will become passive. If we are passive… the other person will dominate. The more imbalanced conversations you have with another person, the less rewarding the interaction will be. If it is someone we must work with over the long haul, best start working now to change that dynamic.
